For a Newly Pregnant Mamma

Recently, a lovely friend of mine shared the happy news of her pregnancy with me. This post is inspired by her news, with all good wishes and much love to all the newly pregnant Mamme near and far.

Dear Mamma Bella,

You are pregnant! Evviva! Welcome to the Wild Ride Preceding the Wild Ride That Is Having a Baby.

Before I do anything else, let me introduce you to the Very Special Ina May Gaskin. 

I pinched this photo of Ina May in the late 1970's from this article on the Guardian, the photo is by Ina May.

Ina May is a midwife who practices in Summertown, Tennessee, in a unique midwifery center. In 1971, she and about 420 other young people bought 1,064 acres of land and started an intentional community called The Farm. Wikipedia has a pretty good article on it here, but generally speaking the members of the Farm Community believed in working hard, sharing, and staying off drugs (weed being an exception. On the topic of weed, a bit randomly, I am currently in Colorado, where weed has become legal, and have come across this book for children: "It's Just a Plant." Interesting how things are changing in the U.S. - what will our children's view of what is legal and illegal be? Just the thought leaves me feeling like I know so little!) 

Anyway, back to Ina May. If I were living in the U.S. and wasn't happy with the birthing options available to me, I would definitely consider traveling to Summertown to give birth at the wonderful Midwifery Center at the Farm (I know other pregnant mothers who have gone this route and have greatly enjoyed the experience.) Why go through the trouble?, you wonder... Well, for one thing, check out the statistics of the births at the center and, if you are feeling gutsy, compare them to those of your nearest hospital. To give you an idea, emergency Cesarean rates in the U.S. are around 30% of births. Between 1970 and 2010, the Farm's Midwifery Center has had a emergency C-section rate of 1.7%. Yes, you read that correctly, 1.7%. It's not magic, just a group of women who have dedicated themselves to creating a birthing culture that takes both mother and baby into consideration.

That said, traveling to Tennessee just to give birth might not be your cup of tea. So how do you access Ina May and the Farm's Midwives from afar? Here are a few options:

Videos: 
(I will just mention a few, but there are so many on youtube, take your time to browse around a bit.)

3 "home made" videos that I love and have linked to before, starting here.

A talk given in Stockholm by Ina May, divided by topics (great for browsing!) By the way, in this talk Ina May mentions the birth of a chimpanzee at a zoo. Here is the link to the video of that birth. While an inverted position - bum in the air - might not be your ideal while helping your baby out, I love watching how in touch this primate Mamma is with her body. And how she literally touches her baby to sense what is going on. I found it very helpful in birthing Ruben. I also love that the Papa' chimpanzee is present and participating.)

"Birth Story" - watch the trailer, or you can purchase the full movie.

"Spiritual Midwifery" - this is an incredible DVD of several births that have taken place at the Farm (including a mother who gave birth to 7+lb twins without tearing!) The DVD is available directly through the Midwifery Center here. If you know a doula, she might have access to one as well.

Books: 
(You can find all of these online, and lots of used copies for very little! If you live in an English speaking country, chances are you can borrow a copy from you local library.)

"Spiritual Midwifery" - I loved immersing myself in the moving stories of the women who have given birth at the Farm over the past 40+ years. No matter whether a birth was challenging or simple, I remember reading these stories and feeling human warmth radiating from the book in my hands. The birth stories take up half of the book, and the second half discusses the approach to birth of the Farm Midwives, as well as some technical aspects of pregnancy, birth, and care of a newborn.

"Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" -Similarly to the book above, lots of great birth stories and a lot of practical advice on birth itself.

"Birth Matters: a Midwife's Manifesta' " - A great piece of political writing, filled with information about birth history, the current state of births in the U.S. and the West, and the importance of birthing and becoming a mother in the context of women's rights. A really empowering read, although not quite as practical if you are close to giving birth.

All that said, Ina May may or may not be your thing. So here are two more books that I found precious for my pregnancy.

In "Birthing From Within", Pam England and Rob Horowitz guide you as a reader to explore your feelings, expectations, fears and hopes around birth. I often wished I could attend an actual workshop ran by Pam and Rob together with D, my partner. Here is their website with more information. This book allowed me to feel free to get creative, make drawings (however simple and not "beautiful"), and go about exploring how I felt without needing to edit or judge myself, no mean feat :-)

The second book I enjoyed is "Pregnant Feelings" by Rahima Baldwin. I love that this book contains several BEAUTIFUL images of pregnancy within it (do not undervalue the power of images! I can still remember a picture in "Spiritual Midwifery" of a woman with a beatific smile on her face as he baby is crowning - really inspiring.) This is a well designed workbook that leads you through different exercises to explore your experience of pregnancy. Again, a non-judgemental approach that allows for your subjective voice and experience to be validated and articulated. So good. Not to mention, I love the vintage feel to it!

There is a lot more for you to discover out there, and as usual: only pursue material that feels right. I mean it. If you find yourself scoffing at what you are reading or feeling uneasy with a video, let it go. Find ways to become informed that resonate with who you are and make you feel good. As I mentioned before, I also found online resources that I trusted and could refer to for more information. As much as possible, seek out evidence based resources and professionals who know their stuff (versus well meaning "experts" who might just share their own experience while passing it as wisdom.) 

Finally, most importantly, begin to explore your community and see if you can find people to connect to that seem aligned with your views. For me, that meant looking for breastfeeding mothers who wanted to wear their children (in slings) and try a baby led parenting style. This translated into showing up at La Leche League meetings (it's a great, INTERNATIONAL organization, so there is likely a group that meets up not too far from you) and connecting to the Oxford Sling Meet. It also meant showing up at a baby led potty training meeting while my baby was still on a wonderfully efficient system inside my belly and diaper changing was merely a concept. 

As my mentor Doula Maddie McMahon put it recently: "Find. Your. Tribe."  (This was in reference to this article on the Huffington Post.) Your tribe might be a single woman who lives in your same area, or a group of mothers who meet monthly. Depending on where you live, you might find a doula that you truly connect to, a midwife that you want to keep close to you for the journey ahead, a good friend or a family member. Move slowly, and give yourself time to connect with people around you as the Little Person inside you begins to take up more room in the world. Your community will become invaluable once the Little One arrives, whether for sharing stories, laughter, tears, or just a moment of craziness.

All right dear New Mamma. This is already more than you can probably manage all at once :-) Sending you and all other Pregnant Mothers out there my Love and Respect - it's a wild ride!

With good wishes from Colorado, until the next time, be well.

Bump!

I am a 31 years old Mamma living in Oxford, UK, and all around me it seems like women are getting pregnant, birthing babies, or, at the very least, thinking about it. If you have spoken to me in the last 8.5 months (or since Ruben has made his appearance into my world), you have a generally good idea of how invested I have become in the world of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and child development. And since I am a hungry reader and a passionate lady, during our latest conversation my interests probably translated into a flood of information. (I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to those new moms and moms to be to whom I have "offered" a long list of books, websites, blogs and organizations without necessarily being asked. Thank you for bearing with me.) I am starting this blog in order to get some of my thoughts and suggestions out there without having to overwhelm every other person I speak to. 

The title of this blog, "Learning With Ruben", is  in recognition of the fact that mothering is very much a work in progress,  a wild experiment that is the result of my interaction with the Unique Mr. Ruben. I cannot imagine I would do nearly as much reading and learning if this were my second, or eighth, child, so I am also paying tribute to the incredible work and learning curve that takes place for a first time mother. I hope some of the excitement and amazement that comes with my first parenting adventure will seep into my writing and inspire those reading (again, as opposed to flooding anyone within ear shot with the expanding galaxy of baby centered information within my brain.)

My first entry is dedicated to the lovely author Kate Evans, who has just come out with what I consider the BEST illustrated book on pregnancy: "Bump, how to make, grow, and birth a baby."  If you are thinking of having children, or have recently found out you are pregnant, this is my #1, top of the list, book suggestion for you. I enjoyed "Bump" so much that when I read it earlier this year I dreamt it could be used as a text book for Sex Education all around the world. It's only written in English so far (and some of its sections are specific to the UK and the National Healthcare Sytem), but for the most part it could work internationally. The beautiful comics and the honest humor with which Evans writes are definitely accessible to a young adult audience, and the information she shares is offered in a format that is easy to digest and multi-layered at the same time.

"Bump" covers everything from how to get to know your body for conception and contraception (Evans does a great job of illustrating the relatively simple Fertility Awareness Method), through the physiology behind getting pregnant, birth (both medicalized and not), miscarriage, abortion, and many other topics. The book is visually delightful, informative, and often hilarious. Yet while Evans brings lightness and humor to a very charged topic, her book is also based on up to date research. This means that while "Bump" is evidence based, it is very personal in tone and easy to read. Check out a chapter from the book here (although the preview chapter is of a healthy birth without intervention, in "Bump" Evans covers many different scenarios, including Emergency Cesareans and the use of pain killers during labour.) If this all sounds good, check it out!

Ruben calls, this must be it for now! I look forward to the next entry. In fact, if there's any particular topic that you would like me to focus on or if you have any questions, please get in touch!

With all good wishes,
B