"Teach Me How To Breastfeed."

A little fun after the very long post from a couple of days ago :-)

I loooove this video! And I'm not the only one..." all the babies love it, all all the babies love it..."

On Breastfeeding and Halloween

It's almost Halloween and I am probably the most excited member of the family when it comes to pumpkin carving. In my newfound baby/birthing/nursing geekiness, this year I realised I could carve the International Breastfeeding Logo onto a pumpkin. And so I did. (We are also toying with writing "Boo - b!" on it, all depends on D who is in charge of the letters.) So here it is, your own preview before we set the pumpkin on our windowsill. Here in the UK, the sight of a breastfeeding mother might actually spook some more than you would expect, we'll see what happens...

I've taken a long hiatus from writing on the blog, caught between the chaos of traveling during the holidays and the chaos of getting back to Oxford and re-establishing our routine, while also gearing up for Ruben's first birthday (he is officially 1 year old!) All through out I have often thought that I wanted to write an entry about breastfeeding, particularly designed for the mothers I know who are expecting their first baby. Here are a couple of things I learnt with Ruben when it came to breastfeeding...

1. Find the Breastfeeding Mamas.
While you will likely have enough milk to feed your baby, you might not have enough support to do it, so start looking for a Breastfeeding Community! (And don't rely on family and friends only: they mean well, but aren't necessarily up to date with good evidence based information.)
Before Ruben was born, my breastfeeding (BF) knowledge was very limited. I had a vague memory of seeing my mother breastfeeding my younger sister, but not much else. My main worry was that I might not be able to breastfeed because of a small chance that I wouldn't "have enough milk".  I have since learned that while there exists a small percentage of cases in which a woman does not have enough glandular tissue in her breasts to produce milk, most cases in which BF ends prematurely are caused by the lack of support and evidence based information a mother receives. There is so much to tweak and rework when it comes to breastfeeding, and the best thing that happened to Ruben and I was finding a community of mothers who either had or were breastfeeding (the local La Leche League group and the Baby Cafe in our neighbourhood, for instance.) Especially in the first 3 months of Ruben's life, I had so many questions, worries, and moments when I doubted myself and my ability to take care of him. At those times, I thrived on the support of both peers and BF professionals (please read that as "people who don't give advice based on personal experience but evidence based information.") 

2. Breastfeeding is a lot of work.
Especially at the beginning, breastfeeding takes a lot of work. It takes work for you to get to know your baby and your boobs, and for your baby to get to know you and your boobs. Boobs and babies come in all sorts of different shapes, sizes, and personalities. For instance, my boobs were of the "Fire Hydrant" type. It sounds funny now, but my let down reflex (when the milk begins to come out of the nipple after the initial sucking of the baby) was very strong and caused Ruben to gag, cough, and pull away from the boob. Eventually I learned that there are ways to deal with a forceful let down, and Ruben got older and the whole process easier, but I wouldn't have had the same confidence to continue trying and refining our BF without connecting to other mothers who had struggled or were struggling like me. 
Again, find someone you can speak with. There are so may ways in which you might need support, and there is a lot of "popular wisdom" that, even though meant kindly, could seriously hinder your BF relationship. Websites are a great source of information, but nothing beats a cup of tea/coffee and an empathetic smile. Also, it's a lot of work finding people that you trust and feel a connection with - if you are pregnant, it's worthwhile getting a head start and looking up a group or a doula in your area.
The lovely part is that all the hard work pays off, even if you might be too tired to fully enjoy those quiet moments when your baby does finally nurse easily and you get to doze off... Also, if you are thinking of BF long term, you will find establishing a good BF relationship early on will make it easier to keep going once the baby is a little older. And just in case you are feeling a little concerned from all this talk of hard work, check out this list of BF Benefits :-) Spoiler alert: becoming a parent is also a lot of work, no matter what!

3. Surrender to your baby for the first three months.
When I was pregnant with Ruben I planned to BF "on demand", but when the time came and I did, it was a shock! I thought "on demand" would mean holding Ruben every couple of hours for a sweet cuddle and a feed. I envisioned Renaissance-like beatitude as I held my babe in my arms in adoration and he got high on the sweet sweet Mommy Milk. Well, it turns out most of those works must have been painted by men who actually had never breastfed themselves. With Ruben it was a visceral and at times rough ritual. There was sucking, choking, farting, writhing, burping, trapped air all along the digestive tract, and general fussiness. Please be aware that not all babies go through this! But don't be surprised if yours does. Also, Ruben was not born with a little wrist watch and he wanted on and off the boob at all sorts of intervals of time. There was no way I could "schedule him in" for a feed. I basically started offering him the boob at any cry and that worked very well. But it felt like he was nursing all the time!! For realz? For realz.
Luckily, I was surrounded by good literature and experienced professionals on the topic. For instance, here is one of my favorite articles about the craziness behind telling mothers that they should nurse at specific time intervals (by the way, this also applies to a formula fed baby, although I can imagine it would be difficult to feed on demand when you have to prepare a bottle every time.) Browsing Kellymom.com or AnalyticalArmadillo.com, you will find more evidence to the benefits of nursing on demand and maintaining almost constant contact with the baby.
As it turns out, BF on demand is great both for your baby and for your milk supply. If you do feed on demand, you are also basically forced to be on your baby's rhythm and give up any other project you might like to take care of (like that pile of dishes that you could so easily get out of the way if only you weren't busy holding your baby!) On the downside, it's so much work! You are on call 24/7 and there is no one who can substitute you on the job. At times it can feel overwhelming and I believe we are very ill-prepared culturally to understand how difficult and intense those first 3-6 months of mothering can be. More on the topic will surely follow in a future posts.
One more thing: if you know you need to go back to work soon after the birth, don't be afraid to BF on demand until you can. Your baby will adapt when s/he needs to, no need to "get them used" to a particular routine before it's necessary. Ask more about this to a La Leche League Leader, they offer great support for mothers who need to get back to work.

4. Breastfeeding will make you relentlessly hungry and thirsty. 
While I was busy with 100% of my energies trying to figure out Little Ruben and our BF relationship, D was 110% busy making sure I was hydrated and well fed. Again, let me highlight this, it was EXHAUSTING. It's like the most intense boot camp you could ever imagine. If you are lucky (as we were) you will have someone to help you run the house or help with your feeding. A great tool I discovered is the concept of a Food Tree, something worthwhile setting up before you have your baby. For instance, if 10 friends of yours offer to bring you an abundant meal a day, you could get away without having to cook for the first 10 days after the baby arrives. And maybe they could pledge to doing that twice, which extends the whole process to 20 days! Here is a good website were to start from: http://www.takethemameal.com/.
 Food was the MOST WELCOME gift I received in the early days, and I have heard many other mothers say the same thing. It also can help to freeze meals and put aside a little money for take aways and pre-made food. You will want to eat nutritiously, not just because it's the "healthier option", but because it will keep you going for longer and with better energy! (For instance, a plate of pasta will give you a burst of energy but then cause severe drops in your sugar levels. Slow release proteins like lentils and beans will keep you going longer without the same highs and lows.)
Bottom line: while you are establishing a strong BF relationship with your Baby, you will need great fuel and it will probably be challenging to meet those needs by yourself. It won't be the case forever, but imagine it as a full immersion and any free time will become a bonus!

5. Breastfeeding is constantly changing.
I have now been BF Ruben for more than a year and the one constant, as in much of life, is that it's always changing. At one point I could only feed him while lying on my side in bed, then there was the time when he only fed in a sling. For a short period, around 4/5 months, Ruben kept going on and off the boob and I wondered if I would ever stop bouncing on my yoga ball in order to get him to relax enough to nurse. These days Ruben comes and asks for milk for different reasons, thirst, hunger, reconnecting with me after an adventurous playtime. Solid food is becoming more prevalent in his diet, and BF is morphing into a very different way to connect to my toddling Ruben. The tougher bits are probably over, but there are new and different challenges ahead, like learning to negotiate my needs with Ruben's. In all the change, the support group that I have cultivated since my pregnancy remains a valuable resource and refuels me at times of uncertainty. 

I recently read a beautiful passage about how breastfeeding is a relationship with a side of excellent food (in the lovely "Sweet Sleep".) It's a quote that has struck a chord: over time it has become apparent that, like any relationship, BF has taken a lot of work, but it has become a wonderful part of how I mother and of how Ruben connects to me, and I am deeply grateful for it. 

My wish for you is that you may find a tribe to support your own BF journey, a tribe that will empower you with information and allow you to make the choices that will make your BF experience successful according to your own wishes and desires. All my best wishes to any Mamma out there who hopes to get involved in this unique relationship! Take courage, find support, and eat well!

As always, thank you for reading.